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10 superheroes with utterly useless powers

Nicholas C.


Yes, we'll be the first to admit that your cool factor will be quadrupled (more than that, actually) if you have superpowers like Superman. But wait; not all superheroes have super awesome powers. Don't believe us? Check out these ten superheroes who, sadly, have less-than-super powers. Poor dudes and dudettes.


1) ARM FALL OFF BOY (DC COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Ability to detach his limbs
We’re totally not joking! Created by DC Comics, Arm Fall Off Boy’s superpower is the ability to detach his arms and use them as blunt weapons. Like, how sad of a superpower is that? But the good thing is; if you need help, he can give you a hand – literally!

2) CYPHER (MARVEL COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Ability to translate any language
Cypher is a superhero created by Marvel whose superpower is, in superhero term, “semi-telepathic and semi-clairvoyant omnilingualism”. In simple English, it means that he has the ability to translate any language. In even simpler English, he’s Google Translate on legs. 

3) HINDSIGHT LAD(MARVEL COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Ability to research and analyze, uhh, stuff
‘Depressing’ is an understatement when you describe Hindsight Lad’s superpower. That’s because his superpower is the ability to research and analyse in hindsight how events could have played out if different actions were taken. It means that Hindsight Lad has the power of your average college student. Minus the assignments.

4) JUBILEE(MARVEL COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Generate bright bursts of fireworks from her fingertips
A member of the X-Men, Jubilee’s greatest contribution to the X-Men Civil War is probably the time where she provided the fireworks for the post-war celebration because, well, her superpower is the ability to shoot fireworks out of her fingers. She’s extremely popular during the holiday season.

5) MATTER-EATER LAD(DC COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Ability to eat anything (even a superhero) in record speed
Hailing from the alien planet of Bismoll, Matter-Eater Lad possesses the power to – yup, you guessed it – eat anything in record-breaking speed, including Superman! You know, the exact same superpower hungry 17-year-olds have.

6)RAINBOW GIRL(DC COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Ability to control emotional spectrum
Rainbow Girl’s official superpower, as listed in DC Comic’s database, is that she “wields the powers of the mysterious emotional spectrum resulting in unpredictable mood swings.” Correct us if we’re wrong; but does it not describe the signs of PMS? 

7) DANNY THE STREET (DC COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Being a street (yup, that's his superpower)
Nope, you didn’t read us wrong: Danny IS indeed an actual street! Created by DC Comics, Danny has long served as a home for the strange and the unwanted. His superpower? Teleportation, for he has the ability to “integrate himself into a city's geography without causing any damage or disturbance”. And that’s not all; Danny is a transvestite street! Things just get sadder for poor ol’ Danny.

8) INFECTIOUS LASS(DC COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Ability to spread diseases
If you’re prone to sickness, she is your worst nightmare. Infectious Lass hails from the alien planet of Somahtur, and she possesses the ability to spread germs. Like, when you stare at her and BOOM!! You have herpes.

9) THE COLOR KID(DC COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Ability to chance the colour of someone or something
Remember when you’re a kid, and you have this friend who carries around crayons and treats walls or tables as his colouring book? That’s basically The Color Kid’s superpower: the ability to change the colour of someone or something. Seriously; we won’t call his power awesome.

10) SQUIRREL GIRL(MARVEL COMICS)
Not-so-super power: Ability to summon squirrels
If a superhero has the ability to summon lions or tigers – or prehistoric monsters, as a matter of fact – it would be an awesome power, but squirrels? The only way a villain will fall in the hands of Squirrel Girl is either 1) the squirrels have rabies, or 2) the villain is a guy because, well, he has nuts.

Do you know anymore superheroes who have lame super powers? Think our list is nonsense? Sign in and let us know.