Frustrated women everywhere – you are not alone. Studies suggest anywhere between 10%-50% of women rarely or never achieve orgasm.
Most women have nothing physically wrong, but still fail to achieve that magical happy ending. Instead, the problem is usually in the mind, with causes ranging from lack of confidence, guilt, inability to relax and past trauma.
We spoke to Orgasm Coach, Dr Lisa Turner and asked for her tips to get us all hitting those top notes…
‘For women, orgasm is about letting go, giving yourself time, and space to enjoy your body. It’s about loving yourself and allowing yourself to be loved. It’s about being fully present in the moment and allowing yourself to be utterly selfish. Orgasm is, after all the ultimate luxury.’
Follow Lisa’s 4 Point Plan and you should be smiling in no time….
1. Love Yourself and Take Responsibility for Your Own Pleasure
Many women’s brains are hardwired to put other’s pleasure first. If you want to achieve orgasm, you have to love yourself first. It is not by accident that men say “ladies first”.
No-one can give you an orgasm, but you can take one. Take responsibility for your own pleasure. If your partner is not touching you in the way you like, show him how.
2. Get in Tune With Your Body
Many people are very out of touch with their bodies. They are disconnected. Sometimes this is simply a habit caused by the way we live. Much of our work and entertainment is focused on entertaining the mind and not the body.
A simple practice similar to meditation can bring you back into your body.
In many cases where women have experienced emotional trauma they partially leave their body or dissociate from it so that they don’t have to feel the emotional pain. In the longer term it results in a women being completely out of tune with her body so that she feels very little, either physically or emotionally. Emotional release techniques like those used in orgasm coaching are highly recommended to resolve this.
3. Exercise the Muscles
There is a very strong link between how toned the pelvic floor muscles are and the intensity and achievement of orgasm.
Here is some simple exercises that will bring awareness into your body, increase the flow of blood to the sexual organs, heighten their sensitivity and increase the ability to achieve orgasms and increase their intensity.
There are three main sphincters which you can focus on and strengthen. Unlike the generic “pelvic floor” exercises, these aim to isolate the muscles, which will increase your awareness of them and this area.
1. The Anal Sphincter
These are the muscles involved in stopping a bowel movement or breaking wind. Gently contract and relax this sphincter 10 times with the breath. Contract on the in-breath, relax on the out breath.
2. The Vaginal Sphincter
If you need to insert some fingers so that you can be sure you are contracting these, then do. Gently contract and relax these muscles 10 times with the breath. Contract on the in-breath, relax on the out breath.
3. The Urethral Sphincter
These are the muscles that stop you passing urine. Gently contract and relax these 10 times with the breath. Contract on the in-breath, relax on the out breath. When you contract these muscles you will feel a “lift” and it should stimulate the clitoris also.
These muscles are essential for orgasms and it is even possible to induce orgasm by contracting these muscles alone with no other stimulation.
4. Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate, and masturbate some more
For you to achieve orgasm you must practice, and masturbation is your practice.
When you are masturbating, focus on finding and exploring what gives you pleasure, vary the speed and pressure. Don’t try to have an orgasm, instead try to find what feels good.
Buying a sex toy such as a vibrator can also be a way of exploring what gives you pleasure and take any pressure off yourself.
There is no failure; you just have not achieved it yet. Keep doing what feels good. Keep practicing.